Lots of people are grieving for all kinds of reasons, but it all comes down to loss and loneliness. Loss of a loved one, loss of a friendship, loss of a job, and sheer loneliness as a result of being socially distanced.
Here are some ways to get through the darkest, most dismal holiday season most of us have had to endure.
- Take a drive on a country road. Park and out and walk.
- If you don’t have a dog, borrow a neighbor’s dog to take on a walk.
- Watch a recommended movie or t.v. series that you can get lost in.
- Bake cookies or quick breads and distribute them to your neighbors.
- If you’ve had a hard time discarding your loved one’s clothes, think about donating them to a homeless shelter, etc.
- Start journaling. It’s a wonderful way to express your feelings and get things off your chest.
- Write a letter to your loved one and express your love, your sadness, grief, guilt, etc.
- Place two chairs facing one another. Sit in one and speak out loud the words you would like to express to your loved one. Tell him or her how much you miss them, or express your anger and guilt, etc.
- Watch what you eat. You should definitely enjoy your favorite foods, but don’t use grief as an excuse to overindulge in foods that aren’t good for you.
- Splurge on a gift for yourself!
- Help out at a shelter or food bank, or make a donation in honor of your loved one.
- Don’t overcommit. And don’t over donate. This is so easy to do and lose track of just how much money you are sending an organization, especially if you do it online, which is so easy.
- It’s okay to be happy. It’s the holidays! Don’t feel guilty for enjoying yourself. It won’t diminish the love you have in your heart for your loved one.
- Read a book that will help identify your feelings and cope more easily with grief. I recommend these two: The Empty Chair: Handling Grief on Holidays and Special Occasions by Ed.D Zonnebelt-Smeenge, Susan J. R.N. and Robert C. De Vries | Sep 1, 2001. The Secret Life of Grief: A Memoir by Tanja Pajevic, 2016, 2016
- Give yourself a massage. Refer to the chapter “Self Massage” in my book “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s and Dementia.”
- Use aromatherapy. Citrus oils are generally refreshing and uplifting for the mind and emotions, relieve stress and anxiety. Consider: bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, and orange. Floral oils are often used as a personal fragrance and are useful to relieve anxiety, depression, and irritability. These oils are useful as an inhaler, in a body lotion, and for the bath. Consider: clary sage, geranium, lavender, rose, and ylang ylang.
- Get the sleep that you need.
- Make an appointment with a professional therapist if you need help. You can do it virtually from the comfort of your home.
- Eat a serving of high-quality protein with every meal and snack
- Focus on complex carbohydrates (whole grains, veggies and fruits), and eliminate junk foods (refined carbs).
- Enjoy unlimited amounts of fresh veggies.
- Eat a good breakfast!
- Eat 3 balanced meals and 1-2 snacks/day.
- Magnesium, B complex, fish-oil, walnuts, flax seeds, dark leafy greens, and high quality all help reduce stress and uplift mood.
- Meditate, light a candle, or find some quiet time for yourself.
- Take a multi-vitamin mineral supplement to support your overall health, well-being, and immunity.
- Exercise! At least take a short walk every day.
- Put on a CD, vinyl record or the radio and listen to your favorite music. Dancing as though no one is watching. There is nothing like music or dance to uplift the spirit.
- Put on a funny YouTube video and laugh.
- Sing your heart out while listening to your favorite showtunes.
- Meet a friend for a chat over coffee. Having a good chat and/or laugh, either via telephone or in person does wonders.
- Do the best you can. Try to relax and enjoy your family and friends, even if you can only meet over Zoom.
It’s easy to drown our troubles in alcohol or recreational drugs. Please be safe. Any of the above 32 ways to engage in self-care will do you a whole lot of good. Alcohol and drugs will not.
Be safe, be well, love yourself. Better times are ahead.
I wrote a letter and re-read a book I knew by heart. Both gave me comfort.