32 Ways to Cope with Grief this Holiday Season

Lots of people are grieving for all kinds of reasons, but it all comes down to loss and loneliness. Loss of a loved one, loss of a friendship, loss of a job, and sheer loneliness as a result of being socially distanced.

Here are some ways to get through the darkest, most dismal holiday season most of us have had to endure.

  1. Take a drive on a country road. Park and out and walk.
  2. If you don’t have a dog, borrow a neighbor’s dog to take on a walk.
  3. Watch a recommended movie or t.v. series that you can get lost in.
  4. Bake cookies or quick breads and distribute them to your neighbors.
  5. If you’ve had a hard time discarding your loved one’s clothes, think about donating them to a homeless shelter, etc.
  6. Start journaling. It’s a wonderful way to express your feelings and get things off your chest.
  7. Write a letter to your loved one and express your love, your sadness, grief, guilt, etc.
  8. Place two chairs facing one another. Sit in one and speak out loud the words you would like to express to your loved one. Tell him or her how much you miss them, or express your anger and guilt, etc.
  9. Watch what you eat. You should definitely enjoy your favorite foods, but don’t use grief as an excuse to overindulge in foods that aren’t good for you.
  10. Splurge on a gift for yourself!
  11. Help out at a shelter or food bank, or make a donation in honor of your loved one.
  12. Don’t overcommit. And don’t over donate. This is so easy to do and lose track of just how much money you are sending an organization, especially if you do it online, which is so easy.
  13. It’s okay to be happy. It’s the holidays! Don’t feel guilty for enjoying yourself. It won’t diminish the love you have in your heart for your loved one.
  14. Read a book that will help identify your feelings and cope more easily with grief. I recommend these two: The Empty Chair: Handling Grief on Holidays and Special Occasions by Ed.D Zonnebelt-Smeenge, Susan J. R.N. and Robert C. De Vries | Sep 1, 2001. The Secret Life of Grief: A Memoir by Tanja Pajevic, 2016, 2016
  15. Give yourself a massage. Refer to the chapter “Self Massage” in my book “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s and Dementia.”
  16. Use aromatherapy. Citrus oils are generally refreshing and uplifting for the mind and emotions, relieve stress and anxiety.  Consider: bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, and orange. Floral oils are often used as a personal fragrance and are useful to relieve anxiety, depression, and irritability. These oils are useful as an inhaler, in a body lotion, and for the bath. Consider: clary sage, geranium, lavender, rose, and ylang ylang.
  17. Get the sleep that you need.
  18. Make an appointment with a professional therapist if you need help. You can do it virtually from the comfort of your home.
  19. Eat a serving of high-quality protein with every meal and snack
  20. Focus on complex carbohydrates (whole grains, veggies and fruits), and eliminate junk foods (refined carbs).
  21. Enjoy unlimited amounts of fresh veggies.
  22. Eat a good breakfast!
  23. Eat 3 balanced meals and 1-2 snacks/day.
  24. Magnesium, B complex, fish-oil, walnuts, flax seeds, dark leafy greens, and high quality all help reduce stress and uplift mood.
  25. Meditate, light a candle, or find some quiet time for yourself.
  26. Take a multi-vitamin mineral supplement to support your overall health, well-being, and immunity.
  27. Exercise! At least take a short walk every day.
  28. Put on a CD, vinyl record or the radio and listen to your favorite music. Dancing as though no one is watching. There is nothing like music or dance to uplift the spirit.
  29. Put on a funny YouTube video and laugh.
  30. Sing your heart out while listening to your favorite showtunes.
  31. Meet a friend for a chat over coffee. Having a good chat and/or laugh, either via telephone or in person does wonders.
  32. Do the best you can. Try to relax and enjoy your family and friends, even if you can only meet over Zoom.

It’s easy to drown our troubles in alcohol or recreational drugs. Please be safe. Any of the above 32 ways to engage in self-care will do you a whole lot of good. Alcohol and drugs will not.

Be safe, be well, love yourself. Better times are ahead.

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”–winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in self-help– in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at AmazonBarnes & NobleBoulder Book StoreTattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and online at Target and Walmart, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

5 Things that Help Dementia that your Doctor Probably Hasn’t Mentioned

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Photo by Anastasia Dulgier

As a researcher and writer for manufacturers of nutrition supplements, I was in a unique position to care for my husband who was diagnosed with younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease right after his 60th birthday. Morris had opened and operated one of the first natural foods stores in Colorado in the late 1960s. After we married in 1974, I helped him run it. Working in a natural foods store was a natural fit for me because I had been a vegetarian for several years and was eager to learn more about natural health.

Later, I obtained a master’s degree in professional writing and my first job out of school was working as chief copy writer for a manufacturer of nutritional supplements. I learned a lot about supplements and ended up forming my own copy writing service. I learned how to interpret scientific studies, which especially came in handy when Morris was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

After the initial shock, I immediately went to work researching the drug protocol for Alzheimer’s. I discovered Namenda before it was FDA approved in the U.S. and ordered it from a European company. I gave Morris nutritional supplements, in addition to the prescribed pharmaceuticals, and butted heads with the neurologist who didn’t think that vitamins or minerals could possibly help someone with Alzheimer’s disease.

There have been some negative studies indicating that supplements don’t relieve symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease. But from what I can tell, they have been poorly designed and seem to be the fodder for sensational headlines. But there have also been many studies that show some dietary supplements can slow down dementia symptoms, and in some instances even reverse symptoms.

My purpose is not to convince you one way or the other. Rather, I encourage you as a caregiver to learn about dietary supplements and other modalities that have science backing them up.

  1. Souvenaid is a once-daily drink containing a mixture of long-chain omega-3 fatty acids, uridine, choline, B vitamins, vitamin C, vitamin E, and selenium) with some clinical evidence to suggest that it can benefit dearly Alzheimer’s patients. Doctors can prescribe it as a medical food in Australia and Europe, but it is not yet available in the United States. It is, however, available online. Read about the clinical evidence here: https://alzres.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13195-019-0528-6

2. What about the use of cannabis for dementia? I live in Colorado where cannabis has been legal since 2014. Medical marijuana has been legal here since 2000. My husband smoked marijuana before it was in legal in Colorado to relieve his anxiety. He also ate “edibles.” It definitely calmed him down and made him happy, which may be the best outcome associated with cannabis. I did not notice any cognitive improvement.

This is the latest study on cannabis for dementia, published July 17, 2019.

 Limited evidence from one systematic review and one uncontrolled before-and-after study suggested that medical cannabis may be effective for treating agitation, disinhibition, irritability, aberrant motor behavior, and nocturnal behavior disorders as well as aberrant vocalization and resting care, which are neuropsychiatric symptoms associated with dementia.

There was also limited evidence of improvement in rigidity and cognitive scores as assessed by Mini-Mental State Examination. The evidence from the systematic review came from four of its primary studies, whereas its remaining eight included studies did not find favorable or unfavorable evidence regarding the effectiveness of cannabinoids in the treatment of dementia. Sources of uncertainty included the low quality of evidence in the primary studies of the systematic review and the fact that the uncontrolled before-and-after study was a nonrandomized pilot study in 10 dementia patients that reported descriptive outcomes without statistical analysis. No relevant evidence-based clinical guidelines regarding the use of medical cannabis for treating dementia were identified.

3. Vitamin D has been associated with memory loss and cognitive decline. Older adults with low vitamin D levels are at higher risk of dementia and may lose their cognitive abilities faster than those who have normal levels. This is one of the several reasons why everyone, except maybe those who work outdoors year-round, should take a vitamin D supplement.

4. Vitamin E includes several compounds: d-alpha tocopherol, high gamma tocopherol, mixed tocopherols and tocotrienols. Headlines have screamed that people who take more than 400 IUs of vitamin E have a 5 percent greater risk of death than those who don’t take the supplement. Unfortunately, the studies analyzed in this report used only alpha-tocopherol, a synthetic form of vitamin E. The studies were flawed in many other ways, but the important thing to understand is that when you take a full spectrum vitamin E, you are protecting your brain, your heart, and your overall health. A recent study looked at the relationship between tocotrienol and Alzheimer’s disease. Based on its ability to act as a free-radical scavenger, the authors concluded that it has the potential to help reduce risk of Alzheimer’s. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29987193

5. I gave St. John’s wort to my husband until he was in late-stage Alzheimer’s disease. By then he needed a pharmaceutical anti-depressant. But the St. John’s wort worked well for mild to moderate depression.

Here’s what we know about St. John’s wort:

Pharmaceutical drugs usually come with a long list of possible side effects. Although some natural products can also have side effects, they are not as common and are usually less severe. One thing to note, though, about natural products is that it may take longer for them to be effective.

It’s always important to read and study when caring for a loved one. Become an informed caregiver. It will help you, your extended family and the person you so lovingly devote your time and energy to. Blessings to you.


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Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”–winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in self-help– in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at AmazonBarnes & NobleBoulder Book StoreTattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.