10 Great Gifts for Caregivers

New Year's box with gifts and bows, fir cones, snowflakes and Christmas toy on old boardsIf you’re a caregiver, you have little time for yourself and you’re probably stressed out. You don’t need another pair of pajamas, and you don’t need another coffee mug.

What you desperately need is some time for yourself to relax and rejuvenate, and ways to make your life easier.

When friends and family ask you,” How can I help?” Or, “What do you need?” send them this list. They will appreciate it, and you will definitely appreciate the rewards.

  1. You know how wonderful it feels to have a sparkling clean house. And you probably haven’t had time to do a deep cleaning in a while. Ask your friends and neighbors for recommendations for a good house cleaner or cleaning service. Merry Maids is a national company available in most parts of the U.S. They also have gift cards online to make it convenient for your gift givers.
  2. Wouldn’t it be heavenly to get away for a few hours? It’s important to maintain friends throughout our lives, and even more important when we need to vent or just need a friendly chat or someone to tell you that you’re doing the best that you can. Gift cards to a neighborhood coffee shop or restaurant can help provide an excuse to connect to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Make a date.
  3. But in order to make a date, you might need a companion to stay with your loved one. Providing TIME to you may be the greatest gift of all. Ask for a time donation, possibly in blocks of time. Two hours a week for a month? Four hours a month? Spread your wishes around. You’re bound to get several “yeses.”
  4. Do you like to sing? Whether you sing in the shower or in a chorus, it’s been well documented that singing reduces stress levels and depression. Group singing boosts oxytocin levels, and creates a feeling of “togetherness.” (Oxytocin is called the “love  hormone” because it is released when mothers breastfeed and when people snuggle up or bond socially. Request a favorite music CD that you like to sing to. Try to include the person you are caring for. Invite neighbors over for a singalong, and make it intergenerational. It’s amazing that people who even have advanced dementia can often remember the words to songs they sang decades ago.
  5. What about dance? You might have two left-feet, but you can dance away your blues without anyone watching in your living room. I always say that dance is what kept me off anti-depressant medication during the 10 years I cared for my husband. I did folk dance, salsa, and contra on a weekly basis. It was well worth the expense of hiring someone to keep my husband company on those evenings. Dance supports the release of endorphins from the brain into the bloodstream. I experienced firsthand a rush of happiness for hours, and sometimes days, after dancing for just a couple hours. Not only does dancing uplift your spirit, it can help you think more clearly. A 21-year-long Einstein Aging Study that was published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2003 found that dancing is the best form of exercise to help prevent dementia when compared to 11 other activities including swimming, bicycling, and team sports. The study also found that dancing can help slow down cognitive decline. Dancing to music that carries special significance can be a wonderful way to connect with your care partner. Why not ask for a CD of your favorite music and dance in your living room, alone or with your care partner? Or, learn a new dance. Request a DVD to teach you the steps. Or, try a Zumba class. Fitness is a Latin-inspired cardio-dance workout that uses music and choreographed steps to form a fitness party atmosphere. While many of the types of dance and music featured in the program are Latin American inspired, classes can also contain everything from jazz to African beats to country to hip-hop and pop. Attend a Zumba class at your local recreation center or YMCA. They are also available on YouTube videos. And ask for a gift of companion-sitting for your loved one.
  6. House maintenance is often neglected when you have a million caregiving tasks. When is the last time you raked your lawn, pulled weeds, fixed a leaky sink, or had your carpets cleaned? The offer of someone volunteering their time to provide these services or the gift of a handyman service is always appreciated.
  7. Would you like to try a yoga class, either online or at a studio? Ask for a yoga mat, yoga blocks and a yoga strap. That’s all you need to help you release stress, build up endurance, relax muscles, and reduce risk of osteoporosis. Yoga videos are sold on Gaim, and are offered on their website for $11.99 per month after doing a free 2-week trial at https://www.gaia.com/yoga?utm_source=google+paid&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=gaiam%20yoga&utm_campaign=1-USA-ENGLISH-BRAND-EXCT&utm_content=gaia&ch=br&gclid=Cj0KCQiA5dPuBRCrARIsAJL7oejWgk-kRRzIVjk_nt7xXY3-I5F_cYeHbltpDj4H7vba2QBjnQPwwiMaAqLVEALw_wcB
  8. Everyone loves a home-cooked meal. A personal chef who prepares meals in your home or theirs is an extravagant service. But put the idea out there. You never know . . . . A more affordable option is home-delivered meal kits. Home Chef, Blue Apron, and Green Chef are a few of the meal kit companies that allow you to choose meals that arrive with fresh, pre-measured and prepped ingredients, and instructions on how to create a fast meal.
  9. Massage is a wonderful way to relax and tune out the world. I highly recommend asking for a gift certificate to a spa that offers massage with hot stone and aromatherapy. You will emerge like a new person.
  10. One of the best gifts you could receive is respite care.  Do you have a relative or friend who could stay with your loved one a night or two so you can get away and totally tune out the world? If not, maybe one of they would generously provide you with a professional care service. Just imagine getting away from it all without any responsibilities for 24 or 48 hours.

You deserve gifts that will help you, the caregiver. So don’t be shy. When people ask how they might help or what you need or want, send them this list.

Have a happy, restful and peaceful Thanksgiving!


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Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”–winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in self-help– in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Barnes & NobleBoulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and online at Target and Walmart, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

Why are U.S. Pregnancy Deaths up?

belly of pregnant woman  monochrome on dark backgroundHappy Mother’s Day! I don’t normally write about pregnancy, but I feel compelled to address the fact that more U.S. women are dying from pregnancy-related causes. According to Dr. Neel Shah, a Harvard Medical School obstetrician, an American mother today is 50% more likely to die in childbirth than her own mother was.  Possible reasons include the high rate of C-sections, high blood pressure which can lead to preeclampsia, diabetes, and obesity. Although these deaths are rare, there are about 700 of them each year and according to the CDC (centers for disease control) more than half of them are preventable.

I taught the Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth thirty years ago. Back then, I warned my students that there was a possibility that their doctor might want to schedule a delivery around a vacation or tee time. I taught ways to have the healthiest outcome possible with the least amount of intervention.

Here we are three decades later and the percentage of C-sections has nearly doubled globally since to 2000, according to a study published in The Lancet, Oct. 13, 2018. In the U.S. 32% of all babies are now delivered by C-section.

Globally, maternal mortality fell about 44% between 1990 and 2016, according to the World Health Organization. That’s good news. But in the U.S., 17 out of every 100,000 new moms die. That’s up from 12 per 100,000 25 years ago. And black women in the U.S. are three times as likely to die from a pregnancy-related health issues than others. This could be due to lack of medical care, racial bias, and/or poor health to begin with (high blood pressure, etc.).

If you or a loved one is pregnant or plans to get pregnant

  • Please see a physician as soon as you suspect you are pregnant in order to get the best medical care possible.
  • Get a comprehensive heart-risk evaluation 12 weeks after delivery.
  • Eat a healthy, whole-foods diet and monitor you salt and sugar intake.
  • Practice a stress-reducing technique such as yoga, deep breathing, meditation.
  • Take a birth preparation class—these are usually offered at hospitals throughout the county.
  • Practice a relaxation birth technique with the person who will be your support during delivery and labor.
  • Keep your fitness up or strive to improve it. Walk or swim.

There are many articles posted on this blog on ways to reduce stress, eat well, and exercise. Even though many of them pertain to caregivers, there’s a lot of general information that applies to everyone.

Best wishes for a Happy Mother’s Day, a happy pregnancy, and a happy baby!


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