20 ways to make Zooming with a person who has dementia more meaningful

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It’s often difficult to communicate in person with someone who has dementia. If that person lives at a distance, it’s even harder. Using zoom is a great option, especially if someone can assist with the mechanics. But if that person is hard of hearing, seeing, or has aphasia communicating on zoom becomes even more challenging.

Here are some ways that you can connect via zoom so that you feel less guilty about not being there or not being able to communicate the way you wish you could.

Even if your conversation is limited to a minute or two, the person on the other end will appreciate your taking the time to check in with them or to just say “hello.” Your loved one may not be able to speak or hear you, but just seeing your face will provide a bit of comfort.

  • Plan to eat together. Ask the person caring for your loved one to prepare something that you both especially like. Eat together and talk about the flavors, colors, and texture. This may be helpful if your loved one is having eating difficulties. Or, indulge in a special treat such as ice cream. This can be an opportunity to reminisce about going out for ice cream. What are your favorite flavors and where is/was your favorite ice cream parlor?
  • Hold up meaningful photos to the zoom screen. Don’t use words like “remember when. . . .” Instead, talk about the people in the photos and the special events where they were taken. Or talk about what those people are doing now, what they’ve done or where they live, etc.
  • Include your pet, if you have one. Dogs and cats contribute feelings of warmth and may elicit memories that your loved one had if they cared for a pet.
  • If your loved one is still engaged in a hobby such as knitting, fishing, quilting, or woodworking, show some of the items that they used or still use. If they painted a picture that you’ve hung in your house, display it on the screen and talk about how much you like it and why etc. If you both knit, plan a knitting session.
  • Does your loved one enjoy gardening? Bring in a pot of petunias or whatever you have growing in the garden, and talk about the colors, the smells, what you enjoy about gardening, and what they have enjoyed.
  • Do you have a hummingbird feeder hanging on the back porch? Show it on your zoom screen if you have a laptop or tablet.
  • If your loved one played an instrument, or if you play an instrument, use the time to play a recording or the actual instrument.
  • Children love to perform, especially on zoom. Have your child dance, sing or do acrobatics for your loved one. If you don’t have any kids, borrow a neighbor’s. It’ll bring cheer to everyone.
  • If your loved one can hear well, maybe they would enjoy being read to. A poem, an aphorism, a joke, a proverb, a short tale–or even a list of the funny things that kids say–may evoke a smile or chuckle.
  • Do you and your loved one share a love for fashion and jewelry? If they’ve gifted you jewelry, wear it while you’re on zoom and talk about how much you’ve appreciated it throughout the years.
  • If you both like to draw or paint, arrange with the caregiver to provide your loved one with the materials to create something while you’re on zoom together. Choose to create your own piece or not.
  • If you have a second digital device, take your loved one on a tour of a country, city, or art museum.
  • Did your loved one enjoy birding or identifying wildflowers? Find an app on your phone or tablet for birds, flowers, etc., and hold it up to the zoom screen. Some of these apps even contain bird songs.
  • Talk about a trip that you’re planning or have recently gone on. Describe it with sensory images using colors, smells, and sounds. What was the highlight of the trip?
  • Do some simple chair exercises together.
  • Find a copy of their local or hometown newspaper and pick out an event or interesting news item to share.
  • It’s been suggested that instead of looking straight into the camera, it’s better to turn your body sideways to the screen into a supportive stance. Supposedly it opens the other person’s visual field because you’re no longer the dominating object on their screen, and also reduces the otherwise excessive amount of eye contact.https://news.stanford.edu/2021/02/23/four-causes-zoom-fatigue-solutions/
  • Repeat or rephrase the last few words that your loved one says. Their last words can help them keep a fluid conversation. This lets the other person know that you heard what they were saying and helps calm them if they’re in distress.
  • Offer compliments freely. “I like your hair” “You look so good today.” “You’ve always been so good at . . . .” This helps establish the connection and lets the person know they are appreciated.
  • Pray together if your loved one would enjoy that.

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: TheCaregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

Traveling with someone who has dementia (this article first appeared in AAA’s EnCompass magazine)

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https://living.acg.aaa.com/travel/15-tips-traveling-someone-dementia

Portrait of a senior couple at sea at sunset

My husband, Morris, loved to travel so much that he memorized plane and train schedules for fun. Until he developed Alzheimer’s, that is. When he was unable to convert dollars into the local currency on our 25th anniversary trip through France and Spain, I realized something was very wrong. He followed me like a puppy dog around Barcelona and was afraid to hop on the subway. I was forced to read maps (not something I’m great at) and choose where to go and what to see, without any input. It was like traveling with a young child. My suspicion that he had Alzheimer’s was confirmed when we returned home.

That winter we went to an all-inclusive resort on the Riviera Maya, south of Cancun, to escape from our new reality. The last-minute get-away helped alleviate the stress of worrying about the future. But I couldn’t totally relax because I quickly learned that you can’t trust someone with dementia to find their way back to an unfamiliar hotel room.

Since he had been an avid lap-pool swimmer, I later took Morris on a quick trip to Glenwood Springs for a soak in the mineral pools. I was concerned that he would have trouble getting dressed in the locker room without my help. My first question to the staff was, “Do you have a family changing room?”

They actually have two, complete with toilet, sink, shower, and fold-down bench. There are also three ADA (American Disabilities Act) accessible rooms in the new restroom facility near the kid’s area at the west end of the property. 

Changing was easy. But Morris was afraid to get into the pool. I later learned that people with Alzheimer’s have difficulty with depth perception and peripheral vision. Their eyes might be healthy, but changes in the brain affect the way they process visual information and alters their perception of the world and how they understand it.

I wish I had known this before our family took a trip to Arches National Park. Morris was terrified as we slowly made our way through the Devil’s Garden. And I became impatient with him, not realizing that he probably felt as though he was about to fall off a cliff.

The good news is that you can travel with someone who has dementia. It’s a bit of a challenge, but it’s doable in the early stages. It just takes more planning, patience, and time. Our family took several fun trips to Hawaii with Morris after his diagnosis. They were even more special than our previous trips because we wanted to enjoy every precious moment together.

20 Tips for traveling with someone with dementia

It’s inevitable that routines will be disrupted while traveling. Here’s how to make it easier on yourself and the person you are caring for.

  1. Don’t leave home without an ID bracelet or wearable GPS unit that can’t be easily removed by your traveling companion. List the person’s name and your cell number on the ID. If the person can still use a cell phone, make sure your number is the emergency contact.
  2. Keep a current photo of your care recipient with you in case you get separated. And carry a laminated card that briefly explains that they have dementia. Showing this to service people helps to avoid frustration, impatience, confusion, and embarrassment.
  3. Consider staying in a hotel rather than with relatives who may be alarmed by or unfamiliar with dementia symptoms. If there’s any sort of drama in the household, this will only add to everyone’s confusion and frustration.
  4. Let the hotel staff know ahead of time of special needs. Ask for a vase of flowers to be placed in your room. They always seem to freshen up the environment.
  5. Bring an aromatherapy diffuser that plugs into the wall. Aromatherapy works like magic to allay anxiety. Put a few drops of lavender oil, sage, geranium, rose, or ylang ylang oil on a pillowcase, or handkerchief that you can stick in a shirt pocket, or in a diffuser. Try out different blends before your trip to see what your traveling companion prefers. Essential oils and diffusers are available at natural food stores and online.
  6. Try to avoid noisy, crowded situations that might provoke anxiety, fear, or confusion. Instead, visit tranquil environments such as art museums and galleries, botanical gardens, and special interest museums. If you’re meeting friends or family, picnic in a beautiful park. If children are included, choose a park with a playground.
  7. Have afternoon tea, cookies, and fruit in your hotel room, and allow time for a nap.
  8. Ice cream treats always work when the going gets rough!
  9. If you’re flying, book a direct flight and limit flight time to under four hours.
  10. Pack everything in a light backpack to carry on board, if possible, to avoid waiting at baggage claim. Carry documents and medications with you.
  11. Leave the lace-up shoes at home. Velcro shoes or slip-on shoes are a must.
  12. Most airports have a seating area a few feet from where you pick up your belongings, where you can put yourselves back together.
  13. Just beyond that is a handicapped seating area where you can hitch a ride on an electric cart that brings you to your gate.
  14. Use the family restrooms, rather than the public restrooms. Your traveling companion will appreciate the help.
  15. Take advantage of early boarding.
  16. Bring your own food, snacks, and water. Make sure you don’t bring anything that qualifies as a liquid. That includes yogurt.
  17. Let flight attendants know about special needs. They are more than willing to help.
  18. Don’t worry about your companion getting locked inside the cabin restroom. It is possible to open the door from the outside.
  19. Bring an iPad or headphones for entertainment and relaxation.
  20. Sit back and try to relax!

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: TheCaregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

Aging and Memory Loss: What’s normal, what’s not, and how to seek help (this article appeared in the Daily Camera’s Aging at Altitude Special Section, spring 2022)

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Most of us have had “senior moments” where we’ve run into a friend and momentarily forget their name. Or we search the house for eyeglasses that are perched on our head. Or we walk in circles trying to locate our car in the mall parking lot. Those forgetful moments are fairly typical of being a member of the 21st century with a headful of thoughts and responsibilities.

Putting the car keys in the refrigerator might be something you do if you’re distracted, but storing a dozen cans of pineapple in the dishwasher, or forgetting how to drive home are not normal memory slips. These types of forgetfulness could be a sign of cognitive impairment or a dementia. But the latest research is showing that if you treat early signs of mental decline, you can slow down and possibly reverse cognitive decline.

Ilene Naomi Rusk, Ph.D. is a neuropsychologist, functional brain health coach, and director of The Healthy Brain Program at the Brain and Behavior Clinic (2523 Broadway #200, Boulder, CO, 303-938-9244). Dr. Rusk acts like a detective to fully understand the root causes of a person’s psychological and brain health issues. Then she works with the patient and a functional medicine team with personalized diagnostics, and treatment or interventions, from brain training to nutrition guidance.

“It’s good for everyone to have baseline neuropsychological testing in mid-life even if you have no memory issues,” says Rusk. Most people think cognition is memory, but it’s much more than that. It’s memory, learning, attention and focus, visual and spatial skills, and how we absorb information, retain it and then share it. Cognition is also how we process things visually, auditorily, and spatially.”

There are different categories of cognitive health versus cognitive impairment that can clue me into whether or not someone is headed towards dementia, says Rusk.

“Subjective Cognitive Impairment (SCI) is when you notice a change in your cognition and think ‘I’m a little different than I used to be’, but other people can’t tell and it wouldn’t show up on a memory test.

“The next category is Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI). This is when you notice changes in your thinking and people around you may or may not notice changes. With MCI you might also have some challenges on neuropsychological tests that show empirical changes. This is a staging system,” says Rusk. “With MCI there’s a great opportunity to intervene, and we want to intervene as early as possible because once you have Mild Cognitive Impairment it’s easier to slip into dementia,” she adds.

The best thing is to tell your doctor if you have concerns and then go to see someone to get properly assessed.

“I recommend that people go directly to a neuropsychologist or neurologist after they’ve spoken to their family physician to look for root causes. There are so many prevention strategies and a new functional medicine methodology to approach cognitive decline. Functional Medicine practitioners look at blood sugar control, blood pressure, gut health, latent, mold, infections, inflammatory markers, stress, sleep patterns, chronic loneliness, and trauma. These are all important things when looking at modifiable root causes of cognitive impairment,” says Rusk.

“We no longer think that Alzheimer’s is only a disease of the brain. That’s definitely an endpoint,” she says. “Everything from dental health to herpes is being looked at, and the amyloid theory of Alzheimer’s is even being questioned by some people. I see trauma healing and stress reduction as important interventions. Chronic stress affects so much in our physiology and unhealed trauma leaves physiologic imprints.

 It’s also important to know,” she adds, “that 70% of dementias are of the Alzheimer’s type and 30% of dementias fall into other categories such as Frontal Temporal Dementia, Parkinson’s, Lewy Bodies, etc. getting properly diagnosed is very important.

The brain pathology of Alzheimer’s often starts 20 years before there are clinical signs. “A person goes from no dementia to SCI, MCI, early stages of dementia, mild, moderate, and severe stages,” says Rusk. “My goal is prevention, and my favorite thing to do is talk to young people about brain health. If we can intervene early, the decline can be delayed and even sometimes prevented.”

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: TheCaregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

Should you move your loved one to a memory care home?

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Forgetful senior with dementia

Moving my husband to a memory care home was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I knew that if I didn’t, I’d pay dearly with my own deteriorating health. After caring for Morris for 8 years, I was stressed and diagnosed with a serious disease. When I asked my doctor what he would do in my situation, he paused before saying “You need to take care of yourself.”

Morris was mostly able to take care of his personal hygiene, with some help in the shower, etc. But he wasn’t able to drive, and he needed help getting dressed. He could feed himself if I put the food in front of him. He still enjoyed watching movies, although I’m sure he couldn’t follow the plot. He liked being taken out to lunch, but he couldn’t read a menu. In other words, he needed a lot of help. I didn’t feel that he was a danger to himself or to me, but I didn’t leave him alone in the house for more than a quick trip to the grocery store. However, I was burned out and had received a diagnosis that no one ever wants to hear — the kind that requires a lot of self-care, rest, and good nutrition.

So I was relieved to learn that our spot on the waiting list at my chosen memory care home was towards the top of the list. And I was especially glad, thanks to my therapist’s advice, that I had looked for a place the previous year so that in case of an emergency I didn’t have to frantically scramble to find a home for my husband . . . a place where I felt confident that the caregivers would treat him with kindness, compassion, and respect.

How do you know when it’s time to move someone to a long-term facility?

Of course, every situation is unique, especially since no two dementia patients or families are alike. Some families consist of an elderly couple who live by themselves with no family nearby. A person with dementia may live on their own. Or an older parent may be looked after by an adult child or grandchild who lives nearby or in another state. But in every case, it’s vital to have safety measures in place. That may involve moving the person with dementia into a family member’s home or into a long-term care facility. Families that have several siblings — adult children of the affected parent — share the caring responsibility by having the parent rotate throughout the year, staying with each child for a few months at a time.

Here are some indications of when it’s time to make that move

  • The caregiver is burned out and stress is affecting his/her mental, emotional, and physical health.
  • When it becomes obvious that the person being cared for is unable to take care of their basic needs.
  • S/he wanders off and doesn’t know how to get back home.
  • S/he is isolated, lonely, and depressed.
  • Your loved one is angry and verbally or physically abusive.
  • S/he has mobility issues and tends to fall.
  • The person with dementia has Sundowner’s syndrome and gets agitated at the end of the day. This is a sign that they are becoming unable to live alone.

Making the decision to move a loved one into a memory care home is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make. Just remember that when you’re a caregiver for someone with dementia, it’s important to take care of yourself, too. Because if you don’t and you get sick, then who will take care of you?

Take the advice of my therapist and start looking for a home where your loved one will be well cared for. Or have a family meeting and make a caregiving plan that suits everyone. Here are a couple of other blogs that may be helpful. https://barbracohn.com/2019/08/03/the-20-most-important-things-to-consider-when-looking-for-a-memory-care-home/

https://barbracohn.com/2013/04/03/is-it-is-it-time-to-move-your-loved-one-to-a-memory-care-home/

Please be gentle with yourself.

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: TheCaregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

10 Reasons Why You Should Eat Chocolate on Valentine’s Day (and all year long).

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Fresh strawberries dipped in dark chocolate

When I was in Mexico I visited a chocolate museum. It’s hard to get through the exhibit without drooling since the rich, sweet odors permeate every room. The last stop before the exit was a large display of chocolate that was for sale. Chocolate made from coarsely ground cacao, sugar, and cinnamon. Chocolate with chile, nuts and spices, and mole sauce cooked for half a day and filled with more than a dozen spices. The Mexicans know how to make chocolate!

And it’s no wonder. Cacao plants were grown in Mexico 4,000 years ago, and the Olmec, one of the earliest civilizations in Latin America, turned the bitter cacao beans into cocoa, which they drank and used as medicine. Later, the Mayans came up with a brew made of roasted cacao seeds, chilies, water, and cornmeal. The Aztecs used cacao beans as currency and believed that chocolate was a gift from the god Quetzalcoatl. They drank it as a delicious foamy beverage, an aphrodisiac, and as a preparation for war.

When the Spanish arrived, they brought nuts and spices with them. This is where the common practice of adding almonds and cardamom into Mexican chocolate stems from.

So thanks to the Mexicans and Spanish, we have the amazing pleasure of drinking and eating chocolate. In addition to its delectable taste, chocolate offers numerous health benefits. But there’s a big difference between eating dark chocolate and milk chocolate. Dark chocolate has the highest percentage of cocoa solids and cocoa butter, as well as sugar and cocoa bean powder. It also contains flavonoids, plant-based compounds that have anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties that support immunity. Additionally, it contains magnesium, sulfur, calcium, iron, zinc, copper, potassium, and manganese, which are essential minerals. Dark chocolate also contains epicatechin and gallic acids which support the heart, act as anticarcinogens (anti-cancer), and support brain health and mental clarity.

Milk chocolate contains milk powder, sugar, and a small percentage of cocoa solids and cocoa butter. It has a creamier and sweeter taste. It contains less than 10 percent of cocoa versus the minimum of 35 percent cocoa that dark chocolate contains, which means it doesn’t offer nearly the number of health benefits as dark chocolate.

Nutritionists recommend consuming chocolate products that contain 70% to 80% cocoa. If you just want the pure and simple health benefits, forego the chocolate and take raw cacao capsules. Although I definitely wouldn’t recommend giving your sweetheart a bottle of cacao capsules on Valentine’s Day. Indulge in the good-tasting stuff!

10 reasons to eat chocolate

  1. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac. Legend has it that the Aztec emperor Montezuma was said to consume large amounts of the cocoa bean to fuel his libido. Today, scientists attribute the aphrodisiac qualities of chocolate to two chemicals: 1) tryptophan, which is a building block of serotonin, a brain chemical involved in sexual arousal. And, 2) phenylethylamine, a stimulant related to amphetamine, that is released in the brain when people fall in love. What about you? Do you experience a heightened sense of arousal after eating dark chocolate?
  2. Chocolate contains good-for-you antioxidants Chocolate comes from the cacao bean, which thrives in hot, rainy climates in South America, Africa and Indonesia. Similar to grapes, the local soil and climate affects the taste of the harvested beans. When you buy a chocolate bar that has the percentage number on the bar wrapper, that represents the weight that comes from the cacao bean content, according to Robert L. Wolke, author of What Einstein Told His Cook: Kitchen Science Explained. The higher the number, the lower the percentage of sugar and the more bitter and complex the flavor, he says. And the higher the number the more antioxidants.
  3. Cacao is rich in essential minerals: magnesium, sulfur, calcium, iron, zinc, copper, potassium and manganese, all essential minerals . . . and antioxidants that support immune health.
  4. Chocolate reduces your risk of Type 2 Diabetes Researchers discovered that the flavanols in chocolate have beneficial effects on insulin resistance, a risk factor for Type 2 diabetes. In a 30-year-long study of 953 men and women from the Maine-Syracuse Longitudinal Study (MSLS), researchers found that the individuals who never or rarely ate chocolate had a significantly higher chance of developing Type 2 diabetes after five years when compared to individuals who ate chocolate more than once a week. Habitual chocolate intake and type 2 diabetes mellitus in the Maine-Syracuse Longitudinal Study: (1975-2010): Prospective observations.
  5. Protects you from heart disease A 2012 report published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that dark chocolate has a beneficial effect on blood pressure, vascular dilation and cholesterol levels, and can play a role in reducing metabolic precursors that lead to diabetes and eventually to heart disease. However, a study published in October 2016 (John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.) found that out of 32 cocoa product samples analyzed, the cocoa flavanol dose must be about 900 mg or above to decrease blood pressure, and contain 100 mg of epicatechin. So if you want to eat chocolate for health benefits, be sure to check the ingredient label. The aim of the study was to review the effect of cocoa flavanols on cardiovascular health, with emphasis on the doses ingested, and to analyze a range of cocoa products for content of these compounds. PubMed was searched from 2010 to locate systematic reviews (SR) on clinical effects of chocolate consumption.
  6. Supports mental function. A recent analysis of several studies on the effects of cocoa polyphenols on cognition in healthy adults found that they enhanced memory and executive function. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31933112/ In an earlier study carried out by the University of L’Aquila in Italy, 90 elderly participants with mild cognitive impairment (MCI) drank cocoa containing high, medium or low levels of flavonoids. At the end of the eight-week study researchers found improvements in the motor response, working memory, task switching, and verbal memory in the participants who drank cocoa with a higher flavanol content. (Hypertension, Aug. 14, 2012) Alzheimer’s and dementia patients are especially fond of sweets because the taste of sweetness is the last taste to disappear. Another study which evaluated the effect of cocoa flavonoids on cognitive function, blood pressure control and metabolic function in the elderly also found positive results. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25733639/ So if your loved one has Alzheimer’s or dementia, indulge him/her in chocolate. Just remember not to overdo it and make sure to include good dental hygiene in your loved one’s daily regimen.
  7. Helps you think better after a sleepless night. The next time you have a bad night’s sleep, instead of indulging in a cup of Joe drink hot chocolate. Sleep deprivation is a risk factor for cardiovascular disease, and scientists have found that flavanol-rich chocolate counteracted vascular impairment after sleep deprivation and restored working memory performance. Their theory is that the study’s participants had improved cognitive performance because of the effects of cocoa flavonoids on blood pressure and blood flow.Flavanol-rich chocolate acutely improves arterial function and working memory performance counteracting the effects of sleep deprivation in healthy individuals.
  8. Is good for your gut. Cacao stimulates the production of healthy microbes in the colon.  Studies show that the microbes break down the undigested fiber in the cocoa, creating usable short-chained fatty acids, such as butyric, propionic and acetic acids. These fatty acids promote the growth of healthy gut bacteria, which strengthens the intestinal barrier and prevents harmful microorganisms and antigens from invading the digestive tract.
  9. May help protect your from cancer. Cacao has the biggest concentration of flavonols ( a class of flavonoids) of all foods per weight. Flavonols contain cancer-protective properties. Studies in humans have shown that flavonol-rich diets are associated with a decrease in cancer risk. One gram of cacao contains over 30 mg of flavonols, and 31 mg a day is the ideal. But be careful. Don’t use this as an excuse to eat a bar of dark chocolate every day instead of eating fruits and vegetables, because fruits and veggies offer lots of fiber, vitamins and minerals that aren’t all found in cacao.
  10. Makes you feel gooood Scientists have discovered why chocolate uplifts your mood. Serotonin is the neurotransmitter responsible for keeping us happy, and cacao stops the amino acid tryptophan from breaking down. Since tryptophan is one of the amino acids that make serotonin this, in turn, limits the breakdown of serotonin. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25733639/

On Valentine’s Day celebrate with your loved one by enjoying a steaming cup of delicious hot chocolate made with whole milk or rice or flax milk. Or indulge in a dark chocolate truffle, dark chocolate, or cacao candy bar. It’ll boost your spirit and your immunity. Just be careful not to overdo it because the calories can add up quickly.

I’m making strawberries dipped in chocolate this Valentine’s Day.

I might even make Chocolate souffle if I’m really feeling indulgent. Substitute coconut sugar or raw sugar, if you like. This recipe is easier than you’d think, so don’t let the word souffle scare you off. It’s well worth the time and little effort it takes.

Chocolate Souffle

Ingredients

  • 1⁄3 cup sugar, plus additional for sprinkling
  • 5 ounces bittersweet chocolate chips
  • 3 large egg yolks, at room temperature
  • 6 large egg whites
  • 1⁄8 tablespoon butter

Directions

  • Preheat oven to 375°F.
  • Measure out sugar, chocolate and separate eggs.
  • Butter soufflé dish entirely and then add sugar (additional) coating the entire dish.
  • Melt chocolate in a double boiler, or directly on the stove.
  • Add yolks to chocolate (this will harden the chocolate so don’t be alarmed).
  • Beat egg whites with a pinch of salt. Slowly add sugar, a little at a time. Beat until egg whites hold stiff peaks.
  • Fold white mixture into chocolate slowly and stir until smooth.
  • Pour into large soufflé dish or 4 ramekins and run the end of your thumb around inside to remove any extra batter.
  • Bake until puffed and crusted on top but still jiggly in center, 20 to 25 minutes.
  • Serve immediately with whipped cream or ice cream.

This recipe has become one of my new favorites.

Chocolate zucchini bread

Ingredients

  • 2 cups grated zucchini
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
  • 1/2 cup maple syrup (add 3/4 cup if you like it sweet, I don’t)
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa or cacao powder
  • 2 cups flour of your choice. I use 1 cup almond meal and 1 cup whole wheat
  • 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray loaf pan with oil or rub with butter.
  • In a large bowl mix egg, applesauce, maple syrup, baking soda and baking powder and salt.
  • Add cocoa powder and whisk until well combined.
  • Add flour and mix until combined. Add 1/4 cup of chocolate chips.
  • Pour batter into pan and sprinkle remaining chips on top.
  • Bake 40-50 minutes or until inserted toothpick comes out clean. Be careful not to hit a melted chocolate chip.
  • Let cool before slicing.

Yay chocolate! Have a very happy Valentine’s Day!

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

The memory care home wants to evict my loved one! What should I do?

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Caregiver yelling at man in wheel-chair

Sometimes a person with dementia will act out and strike the person who just happens to walk by, or the person who accidentally walks into their room. Or, the aggressor might bite another person. Aggressive behaviors aren’t that unusual, but sometimes they get out of control. If they continue, the director of the memory care home will give the family a warning, and if the behavior isn’t resolved, the patient may be asked to leave.

Before things get out of control, there are modalities that can be used to help calm things down. Please read Chapter 18 “Aromatherapy” in Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s and Dementia by Barbra Cohn (see below) on how essential oils can immediately diffuse a tense situation. The book contains 19 other healing modalities that really do work.

In our case, the care facility wanted my husband to leave because he became too needy. Even though the director assured me that the facility would be able to take care of him to the end of his Alzheimer’s journey when I signed the contract for him to move in, that’s not what happened.

After Morris had surgery for a kidney stone, he was unable to walk or toilet by himself. He couldn’t do much of anything anymore. He stopped talking and couldn’t feed himself. The facility where he had been for two years refused to accept him back from the hospital. The hospital discharged him on a Friday afternoon and we had to scramble for a facility that would take him. It was stressful and the new facility was awful. I begged the home where he had been to take him back, and they agreed, but with a big caveat. I had to hire a care person to be with Morris one-on-one because the facility didn’t have the staff to give him the extra care that he needed.

We hired extra care, but the cost became prohibitive. I moved Morris for the third time in four weeks to a different facility that specialized in end-stage Alzheimer’s. It was the perfect decision. He died there two weeks later, after having compassionate end-of-life care.

If things hadn’t gotten so crazy, and my husband hadn’t deteriorated as quickly as he did, I would have called my ombudsman to help me communicate with the first memory care home’s director. Her refusal to take Morris back after his hospitalization was virtually the same as kicking him out, and it was contrary to what was promised when I signed the initial contract: that they’d care for him until the end.

Contact your ombudsman

If you have any similar issues, contact your ombudsman. An ombudsman is someone who advocates for the health, safety, and rights of individuals in long-term facilities (LTC), and ensures that the residents are protected by the standards required under the Nursing Home Reform Law of 1987. Under the federal Older Americans Act, every state is required to have an Ombudsman Program that addresses complaints and advocates for improvements in the long-term care system. 

Unlawful evictions are one of the major complaints that an ombudsman deals with. The ombudsman will

If you can’t resolve a conflict or your concerns with the director of the facility or are uncomfortable, you can contact your ombudsman to:

  • Investigate suspected abuse (mental, physical, and emotional) of your loved one
  • Review inadequate staffing or training that should meet the level of care expected and promised
  • Discuss and resolve grievances that you and the staff have
  • Learn about your options and legal rights

Who can use an Ombudsman?

  • Residents of any nursing home or board and care facility, including assisted living facilities
  • A family member or friend of a nursing home resident
  • A nursing home administrator or employee with a concern about a resident at their facility
  • Any individual or citizen’s group interested in the welfare of residents
  • Individuals and families who are considering long-term care placement

How do I contact my Ombudsman?

Residential care communities must post the area’s ombudsman program contact information and responsibilities. You can also search for your state’s ombudsman by visiting the Elder Care Locator website (eldercare.acl.gov) or contact the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America’s (AFA) Helpline – 866-232-8484.

What if my loved one is asked to leave because of aggressive behavior?

First, try to figure out why your loved one is acting out. Does s/he have a urinary tract infection? Is s/he in pain because of a tooth abscess? Have a physician do a complete physical exam to rule out pain. Your loved one may be unable to articulate what is bothering them.

Be on the lookout for bruises, bedsores, stomach upset, missing personal items such as eyeglasses, or anything else that may be the cause of a change in behavior. Is another resident walking into your loved one’s room accidentally? Is loud music being played in the dining room? What about community TV shows? Are they violent, disturbing, or too loud?

Sadly, residents who have behavior issues are often given medications to control their outbursts. Try everything you can before resorting to those. My husband was given a sedating drug at one point and he became catatonic. As soon as I ordered the doctor to take him off the drug, Morris quickly reverted to his usual, pleasant self. When he would start to show agitation, I’d plug in an aromatherapy diffuser with a blend of oils that immediately calmed him down.

Essential oils can diffuse feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, etc. Lavender oil is the most frequently used fragrance. You can also try bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, orange, clary sage, geranium, rose, and ylang-ylang, frankincense, and myrrh. Put the oil in a diffuser or spray bottle to mist your loved one’s collar or pillow. Find a fragrance that is pleasing to them.

It’s always in everyone’s best interest to try to solve things amicably. An attorney can help review your contract with the facility, especially when it comes to involuntary transfers and aggressive behavior. But hopefully, the situation won’t get to that point.

All the best to you in the new year,

Barbra

Calmer WatersAbout Barbra

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

30 ways to uplift your spirit and your care partner’s mood this Thanksgiving and holiday season

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This Thanksgiving will definitely be better than the Thanksgiving of 2020. But there is still a raging pandemic despite the high numbers of people who have been vaccinated. We need to be very careful about what we do. And many of us are dealing with the repercussions from last year. I’m grieving for the loss of a friend, and am stressed about a very messy flood in my basement, which will take months to restore. I’m sad about other friends who have a dire medical prognosis. And yet, I’m grateful. I’m grateful I will spend the holiday with my daughter’s family. I’m grateful for the great love in my life. And I’m grateful to be relatively healthy.

If you’re at home caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementia, the holidays will be riddled with their typical challenges. If your loved one is in a memory care home, it will be sad because you might not be able to visit. However, this season will also allow us to pause in order to count our blessings and welcome unknown and unseen blessings.

In his book “Upward Spiral,” neuroscientist Alex Korb, M.D. explains that practicing gratitude is one of many pathways to an upward spiral to happiness.

Be grateful. Make a list of things that uplift you and that you’re grateful for. Keep a gratitude book and write about your favorite people and things. A job that you like, a special person, a pet, a warm and safe home, good food, a favorite book or TV show, a park where you walk, your health, a fragrant candle, a neighbor who helps out by shoveling your sidewalk, raking the leaves, or picking up groceries.

Before you get out of bed say an affirmation such as “I’m grateful for my strength and health.” “Today is going to be a good day.” “I have the power to change my attitude.” “I am happy to be alive.”

Write uplifting quotes, blessings, Bible verses, words of wisdom or other religious quotes in a blank book specifically designated as your “happy” book.

If you’ve lost a loved one in the past year, create an alter in your house in remembrance of them. Put up their picture, place a candle on the alter with some incense or food they loved. Be creative. Put on their favorite music. Sit and contemplate all the gifts that person brought to your life.

If you have leftover guilt, pain or regrets about your relationship, have a conversation with that person. Ask for forgiveness and give your forgiveness back. You might shed some tears, but it’ll open your heart to the possibility of healing.

15 ways to connect with your at-home care partner and uplift both of your moods.

  1. Put on some music and dance. If your care partner doesn’t walk, hold their hands and gently sway to the music.
  2. Look at photo albums together.
  3. Make a collage with family photos or pictures cut from a magazine.
  4. Make colorful paper chains to decorate the house.
  5. Plan a family zoom party. If you have a musician in the family have a sing-along.
  6. Try an intergenerational activity like a story chain. One person starts the story and hands it off to the next. It’s a little like the game telephone.
  7. Do a puzzle, do board games.
  8. Get out some watercolors and paper.
  9. Borrow a neighbor’s dog, if you don’t have one and go for a walk.
  10. If there’s snow on the ground, bring enough inside to cover a tray. Use food coloring to make designs.
  11. Make and/or decorate a gingerbread house.
  12. Bake gingerbread and eat it warm with whipped cream.
  13. Make and decorate cookies. Then bring them to a neighbor.
  14. Read to your care partner.
  15. Give your care partner a massage.

If you are unable to physically spend time with your loved one

  • Try to connect on Facetime or Zoom. Even if your care partner can’t see you very well, hopefully hearing your voice will help you to connect emotionally.
  • Drop off a basket filled with special treats and flowers.
  • Send a CD of favorite music.
  • Fill a memory box with small, special mementos.
  • Puzzles and coloring books help with fine motor skills and uplift the mood.
  • Seniors who loved to dress up will appreciate glittery and colorful costume jewelry.
  • A favorite book on tape might trigger memories and put a smile on one’s face.
  • Provide an aromatherapy diffuser that plugs in the wall, with an uplifting aromatherapy oil.
  • Send a bouquet of flowers or balloons.
  • Order your loved one’s favorite meal from a meal delivery service.

My 2021 Thanksgiving prayer

I am grateful for being loved and loving. I am grateful that I’ve stayed healthy this year. I am grateful to authors who share their beautiful imaginations, I am grateful to my parents who, many years ago, let me go west to college, where I’ve lived in the Rocky Mountains ever since. I am grateful for my beautiful environment, my comfortable home, my book club, and my writing groups. I am grateful for being able to eat organic food and drink pristine spring water. I am grateful that I live in a place where intelligent people question authority. I am grateful that I have healthy children who are contributing members of society. I am grateful for being blessed with four beautiful, healthy grandchildren.

I am so grateful to be alive and for so much more.

May your Thanksgiving be filled with good health, friendship, hope, and comfort.


Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

How in the World Will I Pay for Long-term Caregiving?

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Financial planning is an important factor in long-term caregiving.

Having a long-term caregiving plan is a must for family caregivers, especially if their loved one has Alzheimer’s disease or other chronic health conditions. In 2018, the Alzheimer’s Association estimated that the total lifetime cost of care for someone with dementia was  $341,840.

When we placed my husband in a memory care home in 2008, it cost roughly $6,000 a month, which covered a private room and extras like a weekly massage. Everything is more expensive today. The Alzheimer’s Association lists the following median costs for long-term care services in 2021. From what I’ve seen, the costs are typically higher on the East and West Coasts and lower in rural towns, and in the Midwest, the South, and western states.

  • Home care: A paid non-medical home health aide is $24 per hour and $960 per week (40 hours of care).
  • Adult day services: $74 per day.
  • Assisted living facilities: $4,300 per month or $51,600.
  • Private room in a nursing home: $290 per day or $105,850 per year.
  • Semi-private room in a nursing home: $225 per day or $93,075 per year. https://www.genworth.com/aging-and-you/finances/cost-of-care.html

What’s the difference between assisted living and a nursing home?

By the time a person with dementia is ready for a care facility, they need lots of assistance so it’s best to consider a home that offers memory care in a locked-down environment. Locked-down isn’t as bad as it sounds. It just means that the residents can’t leave the facility and wander off and get lost. The exterior doors are locked, but residents are usually free to roam the halls and go in and out of their rooms and living areas.

An assisted living home offers some care such as transportation to doctor appointments and help taking medications. And some offer designated living areas for people with dementia. But generally, residents in assisted living facilities are in fairly good health and are able to take care of their personal needs.

A nursing home provides medical care 24 hours a day. Meals are prepared by the staff, residents usually eat in a dining room, or in their own room, and care is provided ranging from help getting dressed and bathing, to rehabilitation from a fall or bone breakage.

People with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease are usually placed in memory care homes that cater to their particular needs. Memory care homes aren’t exactly nursing homes because not everyone with dementia has another physical illness. But the cost is comparable to that of a nursing home because of the amount of hands-on care that is needed, which includes bathing, brushing teeth and getting dressed, toileting, etc.

Consider respite care

Respite care provides short-term relief for primary caregivers. It can be a life savior when you’re at your wit’s end and “just can’t take it anymore.” There’s no need to feel guilty. All caregivers need a break in order to recharge, destress, and take care of their own needs—which is crucial to staying healthy.

Respite care can be provided at home, in a healthcare facility, or at an adult day center. It can be arranged for a few hours or for several days or weeks. For more information about respite care: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-respite-care, https://archrespite.org/respitelocator

Financial help

As soon as you or a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, or other dementia or chronic disease, make an appointment to see an elder attorney. They will inform you of your options and help with long-term planning.

For instance, in Colorado, in 2020, one month in a nursing home costs nearly $9,000. That’s more than $100,000 over the course of a year. Many elderly individuals spend down their life savings on nursing home costs so they can eventually qualify for financial assistance

If both spouses are living, and one of them is healthy, the healthy spouse can be left with little money on which to survive. An elder law attorney can help families avoid this unfortunate, but common, scenario.

The Community Spouse Resource Allowance is useful when there is concern the couple has too many assets to receive financial assistance from Medicaid to pay for long-term care. This particular allowance lets the healthy spouse keep a portion of the joint assets, up to $128,640 in 2020.

Another allowance, the Minimum Monthly Maintenance Needs Allowance, or MMMNA, lets a healthy spouse retain part of their ill spouse’s monthly income. ps://www.robinsonandhenry.com/colorado/estate-planning/medicaid-planning/?utm_term=&utm_campaign=&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_tgt=&hsa_grp=&hsa_src=x&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_mt=&hsa_ver=3&hsa_ad=&hsa_acc=4376139444&hsa_kw=&hsa_cam=14487629423&gclid=Cj0KCQiAhMOMBhDhARIsAPVml-HXnbFv18MpGCumQd7lKb5xGoJ36cvPNwcdGqRFpgnWq63lYsSAYAkaAnCaEALw_wcB

If you plan to hire an elder attorney, please check reviews and ask for referrals for a competent elder attorney. Unfortunately, the elder attorney I hired made a mess of things for me and my family, and I had to hire an additional attorney to straighten things out.

Other options

• Call 800.827. 1000 or visit http://www.va.gov. In addition to Medicare, the person with dementia may qualify for a number of public programs. These programs provide income support or long-term care services to people who are eligible.

• Contact your local family and senior services office. They can provide you with information about help in the home, long-term care options, legal support, Medicare and Medicaid, public assistance benefits, services, and programs, guidance, and tips on accessing services, caregiver support training, and more.

• Contact your local Alzheimer’s Association for information about services and support groups. They offer classes for caregiving on everything ranging from financial planning to how to get your loved one to take a shower. https://www.alz.org/

Taking time for yourself

Caregivers get burned out if they don’t take some time off to recharge. And in the worst-case scenarios, caregivers end up being sick and having to be taken care of. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will take care of the person you were lovingly taking care of?

Here are links to a couple of articles I posted on this blog about ways that caregivers can achieve more peace and less stress. https://archrespite.org/respitelocator, https://barbracohn.com/2020/06/23/20-natural-remedies-for-depressed-caregivers-and-everyone-else/

Have a safe, satisfying, and stress-free (as much as possible) Thanksgiving. And please take a little respite time for yourself, even if that entails just walking around the block for 30 minutes.

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

Healthy and delicious winter squash recipes

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Butternut squash soup with apples and sweet paprika

The color orange is everywhere right now, and the view from my office window is exquisite. Although I dislike seeing the trees lose their leaves to winter, the period building up to the ‘big shed’ is resplendent with color. Pumpkins adorn doorsteps and soups and stews burst with color and the wonderful antioxidant, beta carotene, that provides us with a natural immune booster.

Here are a few of my favorite winter squash recipes to help make your autumn a cozy and healthy season.

Curried butternut squash soup with apples from The Silver Palate Cookbook4 Tbs sweet butter (serves 4-6)

  • 4 Tbsp sweet butter
  • 2 cups finely chopped yellow onions
  • 4-5 tsp curry powder
  • 2 medium-size butternut squash –(about 3 pounds altogether)
  • 2 apples, cored, peeled and chopped
  • 3 cups chicken soup
  • 1 cup apple juice
  • Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
  • 1 shredded unpeeled Granny Smith apple garnish

Directions

  1. Melt the butter in a pot. Add chopped onions and curry powder and cook, covered, over low heat until onions are tender, about 25 minutes.
  2. Peel the squash , scrape out the seeds, and chop the flesh.
  3. When onions are tender, pour in the stock, add squash and apples, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, partially covered, until squash and apples are very tender, about 25 minutes.
  4. Pour the soup through a strainer, reserving liquid, and transfer the solids to the bowl of a food processor or mixing bowl. Add 1 cup of the cooking stock and process until smooth. You can also use a hand blender or plunger, also called “smart sticks.”
  5. Return pureed soup to the pot and add apple juice and additional cooking liquid, about 2 cups, until soup is of desired consistency.
  6. Season to taste with salt and pepper, simmer briefly to heat through, and serve immediately, garnished with shredded apple.

Stuffed acorn squash (serves 4)

  • 2 acorn squash
  • 2 tsp olive old
  • 1/4 tsp kosher salt
  • 1 cup chopped leeks (1 small leek)
  • 1 cup chopped apple or pear (1-2 fruit)
  • freshly ground pepper
  • 2 cups sliced tender greens into ribbons (Swiss chard, spinach, kale)
  • 4 fresh sage leaves, coarsely chopped
  • 2 cups cooked quinoa, millet or rice
  • 1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
  • 1/2 cup roasted pecan pieces

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
  2. Cut 2 acorn squash in half through the stem, and remove seeds and strings
  3. Place squash flesh-side down in the dish and bake until very tender when pricked with a fork, 30-40 minutes. Remove from the oven and raise oven temperature to 425 degrees.
  4. Place olive oil in a skillet and cook the leeks until soft, about 3 minutes. Add apple, 1.4 tsp salt, pepper and cook for an additional minute.
  5. Add cooked greens, the grain, and pecans.
  6. Cook for another minute, stirring to combine. Remove from heat.
  7. Flip over the squash and fill with the prepared mixture. Sprinkle with cheese and bake about 10 minutes until the cheese melts.

Okay, so cake isn’t the healthiest, but once in a while it’s a delectable treat. My college roommate’s mom made this for us when we went to her home for a weekend. Although I don’t make it often, it always comes out perfectly and it’s a sure hit.

Pumpkin cake

  • 2 cups cooked pumpkin or 1 can of pumpkin
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 cup coconut sugar (I always cut the amount of sugar by half. The recipe calls for 2 cups.)
  • 2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 cup coconut oil
  • 4 eggs, beaten
  • 2 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp salt

Mix eggs and sugar. Beat well. Add oil and beat. Add flour, spices, and salt. Blend in pumpkin and beat well. Pour into greased tube pan. Bake 40-50 minutes at 350 degrees.

Icing

  • 8 oz pkg cream cheese
  • 1 stick butter
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 4 cups powdered sugar
  • Combine butter and cream cheese in the bowl of a stand mixer (or you may use an electric mixer) and beat until creamy, well-combined, and lump-free.
  • Add vanilla extract and salt and stir well to combine.
  • With mixer on low, gradually add powdered sugar until completely combined.
  • Use to frost completely cooled cake or cupcakes.

Enjoy! Have a happy and safe Halloween!

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.