Tag Archives: wandering

Should you move your loved one to a memory care home?

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Forgetful senior with dementia

Moving my husband to a memory care home was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I knew that if I didn’t, I’d pay dearly with my own deteriorating health. After caring for Morris for 8 years, I was stressed and diagnosed with a serious disease. When I asked my doctor what he would do in my situation, he paused before saying “You need to take care of yourself.”

Morris was mostly able to take care of his personal hygiene, with some help in the shower, etc. But he wasn’t able to drive, and he needed help getting dressed. He could feed himself if I put the food in front of him. He still enjoyed watching movies, although I’m sure he couldn’t follow the plot. He liked being taken out to lunch, but he couldn’t read a menu. In other words, he needed a lot of help. I didn’t feel that he was a danger to himself or to me, but I didn’t leave him alone in the house for more than a quick trip to the grocery store. However, I was burned out and had received a diagnosis that no one ever wants to hear — the kind that requires a lot of self-care, rest, and good nutrition.

So I was relieved to learn that our spot on the waiting list at my chosen memory care home was towards the top of the list. And I was especially glad, thanks to my therapist’s advice, that I had looked for a place the previous year so that in case of an emergency I didn’t have to frantically scramble to find a home for my husband . . . a place where I felt confident that the caregivers would treat him with kindness, compassion, and respect.

How do you know when it’s time to move someone to a long-term facility?

Of course, every situation is unique, especially since no two dementia patients or families are alike. Some families consist of an elderly couple who live by themselves with no family nearby. A person with dementia may live on their own. Or an older parent may be looked after by an adult child or grandchild who lives nearby or in another state. But in every case, it’s vital to have safety measures in place. That may involve moving the person with dementia into a family member’s home or into a long-term care facility. Families that have several siblings — adult children of the affected parent — share the caring responsibility by having the parent rotate throughout the year, staying with each child for a few months at a time.

Here are some indications of when it’s time to make that move

  • The caregiver is burned out and stress is affecting his/her mental, emotional, and physical health.
  • When it becomes obvious that the person being cared for is unable to take care of their basic needs.
  • S/he wanders off and doesn’t know how to get back home.
  • S/he is isolated, lonely, and depressed.
  • Your loved one is angry and verbally or physically abusive.
  • S/he has mobility issues and tends to fall.
  • The person with dementia has Sundowner’s syndrome and gets agitated at the end of the day. This is a sign that they are becoming unable to live alone.

Making the decision to move a loved one into a memory care home is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make. Just remember that when you’re a caregiver for someone with dementia, it’s important to take care of yourself, too. Because if you don’t and you get sick, then who will take care of you?

Take the advice of my therapist and start looking for a home where your loved one will be well cared for. Or have a family meeting and make a caregiving plan that suits everyone. Here are a couple of other blogs that may be helpful. https://barbracohn.com/2019/08/03/the-20-most-important-things-to-consider-when-looking-for-a-memory-care-home/

https://barbracohn.com/2013/04/03/is-it-is-it-time-to-move-your-loved-one-to-a-memory-care-home/

Please be gentle with yourself.

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: TheCaregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

Is it okay to leave a person with Alzheimer’s home alone?

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Confused woman at home alone

This is a tricky question. The short answer is it depends. It depends on a lot of things. But if you are asking the question, the answer is probably no.

Use this assessment questionnaire. These issues are difficult to think about, let alone deal with. But if you have a sense of unease when thinking about your care partner’s abilities, it’s time to put safety precautions in place.

  • How far along in the disease is the person? If the person is in the moderate phase of dementia, the phase when they need help with basic daily activities such as bathing and brushing their teeth, it’s not safe to leave him or her home alone.
  • Do they get easily confused?
  • Do they get lost walking around the neighborhood or in the house?
  • Do they follow you throughout the house?
  • Could they make a phone call if they need help or become anxious?
  • Do they still cook, make coffee or use the microwave? Do they forget to turn off the stove or oven? If so, they should not be allowed to cook any longer.
  • Are they able to make themselves something to eat? If not, could they find food that has been prepared for them, or are they able to find a snack?
  • Do they wander?
  • Do they recognize dangerous situations such as fire?
  • Are they susceptible to scam phone calls? Are they apt to provide private information?
  • Can the person engage in enjoyable hobbies or activities such as gardening, knitting, wood work?
  • Can they distinguish between a family, friend, neighbor and stranger if someone comes to the door?
  • Is it easy for them to toilet without assistance?
  • If there were an emergency in the house, could they leave and seek shelter?
  • Is there a possibility the person could damage or destroy your personal property if they got highly agitated?

Keep your care partner safe from wandering

There’s nothing more frightening than discovering that your care partner has wandered out of the house and is nowhere to be found. If the weather is very hot or very cold this could turn into an emergency situation. Or if the person needs a medication at a specific time, it could become a matter of life or death.

Here are some ways to reduce this risk.

Never leave your care partner alone in the car, even for a quick stop.

Hide the car keys. I had a neighbor whose husband took the car keys and drove off into an isolated area. Although the car was found, he was never seen again. It was an unspeakable tragedy.

Camouflage the exterior doors with curtains, a poster, or sign that says, “Stop,” or “Do not enter.

Don’t leave shoes, hats, coats, or keys near the exit doors. All are reminders of leaving home.

Inform your neighbors so if they see your care partner wandering around the neighborhood, they can alert you or the police, or gently guide the person home.

Have your care partner carry a photo ID, and wear a medical bracelet. Put labels inside their coat, hat, etc.,

Project Lifesaver is a program offered by police departments. Some police departments offer wristbands at discounted rates or at no charge. To find out or enroll in Project Lifesaver, contact your local police department and ask if they participate. Call Project Lifesaver International Headquarters at (757) 546-5502 or visit the Project Lifesaver website.

Enroll in the MedicAlert https://www.medicalert.org/ and Alzheimer’s Association’s safe-return program. Read about it here: https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/safety/medicalert-with-24-7-wandering-support. For a fee, participants receive an identification bracelet, necklace or clothing tags and access to 24-hour support in case of emergency. You also might have your loved one wear a GPS or other tracking device.

Read Dr. Laura Struble’s excellent article “How to Minimize Wandering in a Senior with Dementia” in which she says it’s important to first observe the person and try to figure out why your care partner is wandering or trying to leave, what they are trying to achieve, and where they want to go. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/help-a-senior-with-dementia-who-wanders-167541.htm

Safety first is always a good motto. It might take a little work and effort to put these safety measures into place, but it will definitely be worth it for your own peace of mind and for the health and safety of your care partner.

Care for the caregiver

If you are the caregiver of someone at home, it’s vital that you take care of yourself and get out of the house, hopefully, for at least a walk every day. During the coronavirus pandemic, you aren’t doing as much as you normally would outside of the house, but try to take a daily walk.

If you’re depressed, learn about 20 natural remedies that can uplift your mood. https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/barbracohn.com/5720 Or, 20 energy and stress fixes to use now! https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/barbracohn.com/4998

If you aren’t able to leave your care partner even for a short walk, it’s time to get respite care. When the time came for my husband to need full-time care, I hired someone to be with him husband twice a week so I could get out of the house. Is there a neighbor who would be willing to come in for 30 to 60 minutes twice a week? This might be tougher during the pandemic. But while the weather is still warm, a care person could take your loved one for an outing, sit on the porch with them, or go for a drive.

Be safe. Be well. Take care.

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”—Winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in Self-Help—in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store,  Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

How to prevent people with Alzheimer’s from wandering

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einsamer alter mann geht die Treppe hinauf

Wandering is a common symptom of Alzheimer’s disease. More than 60% of memory loss patients wander at some point during the course of their illness.  A man at the memory care facility where my husband lived used to scale a 10-foot wall. Luckily, staff personnel were able to find him before he was harmed. But that is not always the case.

A neighbor of mine had the tragic experience of having her husband take the car keys, drive off to another state, and disappear. The car was found and he was not.

Who is at risk? Anyone with Alzheimer’s or dementia and is mobile is at risk for wandering.

Also, individuals who:

  • Live in a memory care home and want to go home or are waiting for a loved one to pick them up.
  • Live at home yet repeatedly say, “I want to go home.”
  • Come home from a walk around the neighborhood or a drive later than usual.
  • Don’t remember how to get to a familiar location.
  • Are nervous, anxious or disoriented when out in public , i.e. restaurant, grocery store, etc.
  • Pace or repeatedly try to find things or familiar rooms in a house.
  • Ask the whereabouts of friends and family.
  • Seem busily occupied but in actuality don’t get anything done, such as moving dirt around without planting or watering, or shoveling snow but not clearing off the sidewalk or driveway.

Ways to prevent wandering

  • If you care for your loved one at home, put the car keys in a secure place where only able, designated drivers have access to them.
  • Hang bells on the doorknobs of exterior doors to alert you when a door is opened.
  • Install new locks on the doors and windows that your loved one cannot open.
  • Remove items from sight such as shoes, hats, gloves, umbrellas, etc. that your loved one might associate with going outside.
  • Put a black rug in front of the door. To some people with dementia, this looks like a hole, which they will not cross.
  • Put a large sign on the inside of the exit door that says, “Stop” or “Do Not Enter.”
  • Do not argue with your loved one if he or she insists on going outside. Instead, walk with him or her down the hall, or redirect their attention to an activity. Mentioning the word “ice cream” often works like magic.
  • Avoid going to crowded places such as shopping malls.

Make a plan

  • Keep a list of places where your loved one might wander such as a past job location, previous home, restaurant, library, etc.
  • Alert your neighbors to the situation at home, and make sure they phone you if they see him or her unaccompanied outside.
  • Be aware if the person is left or right-handed because wandering usually follows the direction of the dominant hand.
  • Put a close-up photo and medical information in an easy-to-find location to give to the police.
  • Search the immediate area that the person has wandered off to for no more than 15 minutes. Then call “911” to report to the police that a person with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia —also referred to as a “vulnerable adult”–is missing. A Missing Report should be filed. Then the police will begin to search for the person.
  • Many local police departments have a Project Lifesaver GPS bracelet or Safe Return® bracelet that can track an Alzheimer’s patient.
  • The Alzheimer’s Association offers MedicAlert® + Alzheimer’s Association Safe Return®, a 24-hour nationwide emergency response service for individuals with Alzheimer’s or a related dementia who wander or have a medical emergency.

How it works

  1. If an individual with Alzheimer’s or a related dementia wanders and becomes lost, caregivers can call the 24-hour emergency response line (1.800.625.3780) to report it.
  2. A community support network will be activated, including local Alzheimer Association chapters and law enforcement agencies, to help reunite the person who wandered with the caregiver or a family member. With this service, critical medical information will be provided to emergency responders when needed.
  3. If a citizen or emergency personnel finds the person with dementia, they can call the toll-free number listed on the person’s MedicAlert + Safe Return ID jewelry. MedicAlert + Safe Return will notify the listed contacts, making sure the person is returned home.

Most importantly, stay calm and don’t panic. 94% of people who wander are found within 1.5 miles of where they disappeared. But it is important to begin the search and rescue efforts immediately.

Remember this: Prevent the danger that has not come. Be prepared.

For more great information about how you can reduce stress, feel happier, more energetic, healthier, deal with issues of grief and depression, and ultimately experience inner peace, read Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s and Dementia.   Available on Amazon and at all bookstores that sell quality books.

BarbraCohn__