The holidays can bring up all sorts of emotions: joy, anxiety, depression and grief, especially if you’re missing a loved one, or if a loved one is a shadow of their former self.
You are entitled to feel any and all emotions as they arise. If you’re at a holiday party and the tears well up, simply excuse yourself until you’re ready to rejoin the group. If you’re overcome with fatigue and grief and simply can’t make it to a party, it’s okay. Make yourself a bowl of popcorn and watch a movie or read a book. But keep in mind that socializing might do you a world of good. The most important thing is that you do what’s best for YOU. So whatever you need to do in order to get through the holiday season, do it in a healthy way. Please don’t rely on alcohol or drugs to numb your feelings.
Here are some suggestions for feeling your emotions and feeling your best, while remembering your loved ones during the holidays and beyond.
- Be honest with yourself and with others. Tell them what you’d like to do and what you’d prefer not to do.
- Create a new tradition in honor of your loved one, i.e. if you typically hosted a dinner, set a place setting and serve your loved one’s favorite dish.
- Decide where you want to spend the holidays. Maybe go to a new place or take a trip with another widow or widower whom you met in a support group.
- If you’ve had a hard time discarding your loved one’s clothes, think about donating them to a homeless shelter, etc.
- Start journaling. It’s a wonderful way to express your feelings and get things off your chest.
- Write a letter to your loved one and express your love, your sadness, grief, guilt, etc.
- Place two chairs facing one another. Sit in one and speak out loud the words you would like to express to your loved one. Tell him or her how much you miss them, or express your anger and guilt, etc.
- Watch what you eat. You should definitely enjoy your favorite foods, but don’t use grief as an excuse to overindulge in foods that aren’t good for you.
- Splurge on a gift for yourself!
- Help out at a shelter or food bank, or make a donation in honor of your loved one.
- Don’t overcommit. You don’t need to make the holiday meal, if you’re not up to it.
- It’s okay to be happy. It’s the holidays! Don’t feel guilty for enjoying yourself. It won’t diminish the love you have in your heart for your loved one.
- Read a book that will help identify your feelings and cope more easily with grief. I recommend these two: The Empty Chair: Handling Grief on Holidays and Special Occasions by Ed.D Zonnebelt-Smeenge, Susan J. R.N. and Robert C. De Vries | Sep 1, 2001. The Secret Life of Grief: A Memoir by Tanja Pajevic, 2016, 2016
- Get a massage.
- Use aromatherapy. Citrus oils are generally refreshing and uplifting for the mind and emotions, relieve stress and anxiety. Consider: bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, and orange. Floral oils are often used as a personal fragrance and are useful to relieve anxiety, depression, and irritability. These oils are useful as an inhaler, in a body lotion, and for the bath. Consider: clary sage, geranium, lavender, rose, and ylang ylang.
- Get the sleep that you need.
- Make an appointment with a professional therapist if you need help.
- Eat a serving of high-quality protein with every meal and snack
- Focus on complex carbohydrates (whole grains, veggies and fruits), and eliminate junk foods (refined carbs).
- Enjoy unlimited amounts of fresh veggies.
- Eat a good breakfast!
- Eat 3 balanced meals and 1-2 snacks/day.
- Magnesium, B complex, fish-oil, walnuts, flax seeds, dark leafy greens, and high quality all help reduce stress and uplift mood.
- Meditate, light a candle, or find some quiet time for yourself.
- Take a multi-vitamin mineral supplement to support your overall health, well-being, and immunity.
- Exercise! At least take a short walk every day.
- Put on a CD, vinyl record or the radio and listen to your favorite music. Dancing as though no one is watching. There is nothing like music or dance to uplift the spirit.
- Put on a funny YouTube video and laugh.
- Meet a friend for a chat over coffee. Having a good chat and/or laugh, either via telephone or in person does wonders.
- Do the best you can. Try to relax and enjoy your family and friends.

Barbra Cohn cared for her husband Morris for 10 years. He passed away from younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2010. Afterward, she was compelled to write “Calmer Waters: The Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s & Dementia”–winner of the 2018 Book Excellence Award in self-help– in order to help other caregivers feel healthier and happier, have more energy, sleep better, feel more confident, deal with feelings of guilt and grief, and to ultimately experience inner peace. “Calmer Waters” is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Boulder Book Store, Tattered Cover Book Store, Indie Bound.org, and many other fine independent bookstores, as well as public libraries.

Happy Mother’s Day! I don’t normally write about pregnancy, but I feel compelled to address the fact that more U.S. women are dying from pregnancy-related causes. According to Dr. Neel Shah, a Harvard Medical School obstetrician, an American mother today is 50% more likely to die in childbirth than her own mother was. Possible reasons include the high rate of C-sections, high blood pressure which can lead to 
Statistics show the stress of care giving can result in chronic disease for the caregiver and take as many as 10 years off one’s life. In comparison to caregivers of people in all categories, caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients in particular rate their health more poorly, take worse care of themselves, and spend more money on their health care. Feeling more tired and depleted, they evaluate themselves as less healthy, engage in fewer health-promoting behaviors, and use more health services.



Instead of worrying about what to give a friend or loved one who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease or dementia consider this. What that person really wants more than anything is to just be with you. So here’s a list of things you can do together.
It’s National Family Caregivers Month and the perfect time to consider how you can reduce the stress of the holidays by taking better care of yourself.
October 11 is National Depression Screening Day. If you are feeling overwhelmed, depressed or have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning because you don’t want to face the world it’s time to evaluate your emotional health. You can take an anonymous screening online here: